monologue

nov. 6, 2021; 00:46

i was listening to some random music on spotify last night when a very beautiful version of moon river played. turned the rain background sound on option after, then bam, cried myself to sleep.

i cried over things i haven’t cried over yet. i cried so hard until my head started hurting and i have no choice but to sleep.

why am i still sad? why do i feel like i’m sadder than last month?

i guess that’s my one of my biggest problems. i try so hard to be strong every single time that i don’t even let myself feel hurt when i should be. i don’t cry when i should be crying. i don’t allow myself to be lonely when that is all i am feeling. i keep my emotions bottled up because i don’t want to be sad anymore.

and because i’m so, so, so tired of being sad, i escape. i run away from things i shouldn’t be running away from. i find other things to give my attention to. which again, i know i shouldn’t.

why does love always have to be hard for me? why does religion and culture matter in love anyway? why can’t i be in a relationship where things are on our favor? why do i expect so much from people? why do i get attached to people so easily?

why did i go to georgia and come back to uae more heartbroken than ever?