Letters from A | 06

Hi, old self. How are you?

Hmm.. I’m good. All is well. This version of you (or myself) has been the most complicated one so far. Haha.

Wala lang. It’s just… the past has been haunting me so much lately.

Crazy ’cause I don’t even think about it (at all) yet I still get dreams weekly. It used to bother me at first, not gonna lie. However, I’ve been so busy with my small business, plus I’m happy with my relationship with myself and other people that I don’t let it bother me anymore.

Shocked, eh? You’re the type of person who can’t let go of painful memories, and here I am saying it doesn’t bother me anymore?

Okay. I don’t wanna be the “oh, I’ve forgotten about it” blabla type of girl. I’m still like that. I still have a hard time letting go of things. The only difference now is that I know which ones are worth my time and energy. If it doesn’t serve me anymore, then it’s stuck in the past. Ganon.

Also, do you know how I know I’m getting better?

When I go for therapy once a month only. Hehe :)

The last time I went pa is because of something super petty. I was just overthinking about my future, that my therapist literally just told me to “find other stuff to do.” Hahaha. She’s great, don’t judge her. She was just shocked ’cause it was nothing compared to our past sessions. She even tried to squeeze me into sharing something else that’s bothering me but that’s it. I was just overthinking.

She’s only known me for a couple of months and from the stories I told her but she told me how I’ve made amazing progress compared to our first session. Man, those first few sessions were rough. I still haven’t had a cry-free session with her to this date but you get the point.

I also know I’m starting to get better because I find myself singing at the top of my lungs again every morning. It’s been a while. :’)

Hay. Miel, you’re gonna be so proud of yourself.

You’ve always been the type who advocates self-love and for some time, you’ve been off that. You’re back on track now. We are back on track. And I’m here to tell you that it will get better. (I know you already know that. I’ll just assure you since you’re a sucker for affirmations.)

You learned how to let go of things that are not relevant in your life anymore. It’s a long process and by the time you reach 2021, you’re still working on it, but at least you are.

You only tolerate what you deserve and you’ve learned how to be more vocal about what you feel. You actually learned how to communicate better. It feels good.

You have a small circle of friends but all are willing to help if you ask for it.

You have someone who loves you very much and you are valued by a lot of people. People appreciate the art that you do.

Miel, I’m here. Living the future you are scared of.

And I’m okay. You’ll cry, you’ll get lost; you’ll even stop in the middle for a long time. But eventually, you’ll start walking again.. until you find your oasis. You’ll see hope, and from there, you’ll be brave enough to start over.

Don’t be scared of what the future holds. It will take care of itself and no amount of overthinking will change that. Now enjoy whatever year you’re in ’cause 2020 and 2021 aren’t doing pretty well. Take care and I’ll talk to you soon.

Love, Amielle

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