Some days I wake up feeling empty.

Like there’s a hole in my chest that came out of nowhere.

An emptiness I feel physically, even though I can’t explain how. Or why.

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I woke up feeling so heavy and immediately knew that it’s gonna be one of those days. The only difference is that today, I know my why.

Maybe if my Aunt’s phone rang and woke me up a few minutes earlier, I wouldn’t have had that dream. I would have woken up normally, wouldn’t have the urge to check online why I had it, and I wouldn’t have to break the streak of me not going to therapy because I think I’m okay.

It used to be a weekly thing when I first started. Therapy. Things got better, sessions became every two weeks, and now it’s almost a month since my last one.

Is this the universe’s way of making me feel grounded because the past week has been full of highs? Because if it is, screw that. I was in my lows for so long, the highs I’ve been feeling lately is not enough to put me back there.

I just started getting better and becoming happier again. I just started having hope in myself and in my future again. I just started seeing the world in color again. How dare the universe take that away from me.

How dare the universe make me feel like shit when all I’ve ever done was make myself better?

…..

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Some days I wake up feeling empty.

Most days I don’t feel anything at all.