Hi. I don’t know why I feel emotional writing this letter when it’s just.. a normal letter. Today’s June 18, 2020, less than a month until your birthday. You’re still in Abu Dhabi, stuck at home, because of the COVID19 pandemic. You just finished having dinner – ampalaya, cooked by your Tita – and you’re back in bed, doing nothing.
Five years ago seems like a long time, right? Well, as of June 2020, I can say that this year sucks. The Taal Volcano erupting, US-Iran war, #BlackLivesMatter + #OustDuterte protest, and more, add the fact that this is the year you have become so vocal with how you feel regarding the Philippine Government. Just to remind you, your government sucked as much as 2020 did. How is the Philippines now? I hope Filipinos fought a good fight. I hope it’s at least better, if not so much.
What’s your job now? I hope you finally have a job you love doing. I hope it’s something that motivates you to wake up every single day and I hope that it puts enough food on the table. I hope you’re already financially stable that your Dad doesn’t need to work anymore yet you are able to support your family 100%. I hope you have insurance, I hope you have savings, I hope you have investments. I hope you have travelled to places you’ve always dreamed of and I hope Mama’s fridge is full of ref magnets from those places.
Five years ago, you were praying every night for the universe to guide you towards the right path. How is your heart now? Is it full? Have you finally found the answer to your question five years ago? I hope you did. It’s been a long time, I hope the right person fought bravely for your love. I hope that no matter how hard things were, you got through it and your heart is now overflowing with joy.
Are you still writing? I hope you are. Five years ago, you were so proud of yourself for creating a biography for a friend. Small achievement but someone trusted you. Do you remember that? I hope you’re still doing Three Things I’m Grateful For every night and I hope that you still have your blog domain. Lol! How are your friends? Who are married by now? Who has kids? Or are you married by now? Ehh… Whatever your answer is, I don’t mind. As long as you’re happy.
Grabe. I feel like that’s something I would pray for for the rest of our lives. I pray that I become a genuinely happy person. I pray that my loved ones are always healthy and they sleep with a peaceful heart every night. I pray that no one will suffer anymore. So dear future me, tell me. One month from now, you’ll be 29. Few more years and your age is out of the calendar already. No pressure but… are you happy?
I hope you are.
Trust me when I say I’m doing my best to give you a wonderful life. I’m working on it. I’m working to be the best us we can become. I try to live every single day with no regrets so you won’t have anything to be sad about by this time. I’m trying. Please tell me that five years after the day I wrote this, everything is worth it. Please tell me your heart and soul are at peace. That you don’t sleep at night anymore crying, why you have to experience such things. That you have finally understood why things have to happen. I’m trying. God knows how much I’m trying..
Dear future self, I’m sure you’re a confident woman your 23-year-old self will be proud of, but how are you, really? From the time I’m writing this ’til the time you’re reading this, I want you to know that you deserve the universe. I hope I did a great job and I pray that you are happy. Congratulations on making it this far. Mahal na mahal kita.
Love, yourself, five years ago