After being so stressed out mentally and emotionally over the past few months, I realized that I need to take a break from the city life. I want to relax and not be disturbed by anyone. I want to be away from so many people. I want someplace to think.
So I spent the weekend at my dad’s place in Ruwais which is a three-hour drive away from where I’m staying and four when you’re using public transportation. (Wala pang traffic ‘yun.) It is a place away from the crazy city – the place where I never knew I’d find serenity.
I didn’t really like staying in Ruwais before. I would always say that there’s not much to see and do (because there really isn’t; it only has one mall, a few restaurants, and some parks, but that’s just it) and it’s extremely far away from the city. I wanted to live in the city. I have always thought that the life’s in there. I’ve always wanted to stay downtown because I wanted to explore and go to different restaurants and attractions and write about my experiences after.
… I rarely did.
I’ve lived here for more than five months now; I don’t really go out much because #1: it’s hot and humid as ever – but thankfully, I can feel that winter is coming – and #2: I don’t want to spend money that I personally didn’t earn. My Dad’s giving me an allowance every month since I’m still financially unstable to support myself at the moment and I know enough to not spend it on leisure. I was also busy looking for jobs, and unpopular opinion: I was emotionally not okay. I was a wreck. I sleep at 3 or 4 am every single day, wake up at noon – a miracle if I wake up earlier – and normally start my day at 1 or 2 pm. It was a mess. Ha, my life has been a clutter lately.
Anyhow, going back to the topic, I never really wanted to stay in Ruwais for a time. But after my stay there for a few days, I realized that that is what I need – a complete sense of peace and serenity. The only person I ever get to encounter with personally is my Dad. (Though there was a day when I was invited by Ate Tel to come with her to a birthday party. That’s okay, I had fun.)
I can go out or walk at night and hear only the sound of leaves once the wind blows. I can hear my thoughts clearly and loved it. I love being alone and I’m not scared to be one. A thought even came up to me and suddenly, I wanted to leave the city life and just live there forever.
But last night, someone messaged me something important, and with that, I had to leave Ruwais and head back to the city as soon as I possibly can. My dad booked me a bus ride immediately since he can’t drive me back because of work, and my gOD, I didn’t realize that I hated bus rides so much until this morning.
I was awfully dizzy; I feel like vomiting but can’t, so imagine enduring a freaking four-hour bus ride trying to keep your cool, praying, and calling all Saints that you won’t throw up. Lagi kong sinasabi sa sarili ko, ‘wag nalang isipin para ‘di ako mahilo, ganun. On my way back, I was listing the reasons in my head why I’m feeling this way.
5 Possible Reasons Why I Feel Like I’m About To Embarrass Myself This Morning:
- I only ate a little for breakfast OR my tummy is #shookt because I ate breakfast. I can’t even remember the last time I have eaten something before 12 noon.
- I only had 3 hours of sleep. Told you I sleep late no matter how hard I try to sleep early and my bus schedule was 6:45 AM.
- I am not used to bus rides. I consider myself one of the lucky and privileged kids who didn’t get to experience the hassle of commuting when I was younger. (Or maybe until now.) I’m okay with plane or car rides even if it’s for 12 hours or more but bus rides? I’m having second thoughts. (Kaya hanga ako kay Ate Alona who’s always on the road traveling tapos ilang oras pa palagi. Naisip talaga kita kaninang umaga, ‘te.)
- The girl’s perfume a few seats away from me is punching my poor old soul.
- All of the above. (And PS: I’m not pregnant. Sure. Baka ma-issue agad eh. Hahaha.)
Thankfully, another miracle has happened this morning aside from me waking up at 6 and seeing the sun rise. I. slept. throughout. the bus ride. Everyone who’s traveled with me knows that I can’t sleep whether it be a plane or a car ride. No matter how long or short the travel time is, I just can’t unless my energy’s drained. Sobrang hirap ako makatulog talaga. But I guess my prayer to all Saints had worked, they let me sleep for a few hours.
To cut the long story short…
What I’m saying is.. I wouldn’t realize that I’m not good with bus rides if I didn’t take the bus going home this morning. I wouldn’t realize that I love traveling alone if I was afraid that I would get lost that one time in the United States. I wouldn’t realize that I’m okay being with people I don’t know if I was too shy to say hello first. I wouldn’t realize that I love extreme adventures and that I’m okay with falling in line alone if I back out that one time in Hong Kong just because my family aren’t down for it. I wouldn’t realize that I’m (somehow) good at taking photos and editing videos if I didn’t edit that one video way back grade school. I wouldn’t realize that I’m confident of my body if I didn’t wear that two-piece swimsuit for the first time five months ago.
.. And soooo many other things.
You have to get out of your comfort zone because the only thing that’s stopping you, aside from yourself, is fear. You might be extremely good and passionate about something but you were just so scared to get out of your comfort zone; you’ll never know! Getting out there means knowing yourself more so don’t be afraid to commit mistakes because that’s the best teacher in life — experience. So live your life just how you wanted it to be.
A lot of people may have a say on what you’re doing – some are concerned, some aren’t – but in the end, always remember that it’s still your life. It’s your life who’s going to change through your actions so you have to be responsible for whatever that you do, as well.
It’s scary, yes, but do you know what’s scarier than that?